Daniel85

More random 80s Aussie crap on YouTube.

Check out this clip from Countdown in 1983, featuring Ross “Eagle Rock” Wilson’s one-hit wonder wife:

Oh, I probably should have warned you to avert your eyes for the first few seconds. Sorry about that.

Did you catch Molly Meldrum doing what he does best (acting like a total tool)? Gotta love Molly.

I like how the song has nothing to do with aerobics, but that’s the theme they went with for the dancers. Olivia Newton-John must have cancelled at the last minute, so they were stuck with an aerobic dance troupe.

And you get a few seconds of a K-Mart ad The Swingers at the end. Bonus!

Funny stuff. Check out his Jaws one, too. Don’t bother with the Superman one, it’ll make you want to gouge your eyes out and destroy your eardrums with a blunt pencil.

As a huge Michael Jackson fan, I was naturally PUMPED to hear that he’s heading back to the studio for a 2007 album release. I was just as PUMPED back in 2001, of course, and Invincible turned out pretty shit. But still, there’s always a part of me that hopes the King will return.

Anyway, I hit up Youtube for some footage I had heard about of MJ in the studio with will.i.am of the Black Eyes Peas, and as so often happens with Youtube I went on a merry journey through videoland. One of the things I found was the following bit (origin unknown) where Michael Jackson is answering fan questions in an Internet chat room, back in 1995. World Wide Web! The future! 

Some idiot asks the standard ‘if you could be a superhero, which one would you be and why?’ Insightful, probing questions here. Anyone would expect MJ to come back with something weird like ‘I am a superhero’, or ‘Peter Pan is my superhero’, but instead he proves himself a closet comics fan by talking about how much he likes Morph of the X-Men, because he can ‘become all things’ and ‘is very mysterious’.

Seeing as this is 1995, I think Michael’s exposure to the X-Men probably comes from the X-Men: The Animated Series (in which Morph was a recurring secondary character) rather than the comics. Still, it’s nice to learn that MJ’s an X-Fan, even if it does conjure up images of him and Macaulay Calkin in their PJs on Saturday morning, eating Cap’n Crunch and watching cartoons.

McDonalds’ latest attempt to pretend that they’re concerned about kids’ health and well-being is the ‘Music Happy Meal’, which comes with a little iPod-looking thing called a ‘music stick’ containing 30-second song clips.

When I heard about this, I just expected a bunch of crappy  pop songs by the likes of Kelly Clarkson and Ashlee Simpson, but I was surprised and awe-struck to find that one of the songs available is the 1994 smash hit ‘I Like To Move It’ by Reel 2 Real.

It’s good to see that they’re introducing kids to the classics. They’re only missing ‘Boom Boom Boom’ by The Outhere Bros, and ‘Whoomp! There It Is!’ by Tag Team. I can actually see why they used ‘I Like To Move It’, cos it was featured in that movie Madagascar last year, but one of the other music sticks inexplicably contains Lou Bega’s ‘Mambo No. 5′ (a song I’d hoped never to have to hear again). 

The music sticks themselves are pretty cool for Happy Meal toys. They’re fairly loud, and come with a clip so self-loathers can proudly display them on their belts and walk around getting beaten up.

I do like the idea of being able to blast ‘I Like To Move It’ from my hip at any time, though. If anyone gives me any guff throughout the day, I can just push the button and give them a dose of Reel 2 Real.

Each music stick comes with a set of dance steps for performing to the songbyte:

McDonald’s and dancing, historically, have not gone well together. Anyone who’s seen the 1988 E.T. rip-off Mac and Me will know what I’m talking about. The movie features a bizarre 10 minute breakdance contest scene in a McDonald’s store, all while a group of ‘men in black’ chase down the little alien who needs to drink Coke (not just any soda, only Coke) to live. I will review Mac and Me for Retro Junk someday, and it will be the best thing ever written.

Since I can’t dance, here’s Spider-Man to show you how it’s done…

(That’s his ride in the background. One does have to represent, after all. Spidey rolls with Barbie dolls.)

Don’t get me wrong; I love the Black Eyed Peas. I know everyone says this about music groups, but I liked them before they were popular. They were probably the only current hip-hop group I was listening to in 2000-2001, a time when I was mostly listening to old stuff like Stetsasonic and Run DMC.

I even liked the BEP once they took on that feral Fergie chick and became a pop group. For the last few years they’ve been putting out innovative, interesting pop music that rises above the rest of the muck.

One of the things I like about the Black Eyed Peas is the sheer ridiculousness of some of their lyrics. Now, even a top-flight wordsmith like Shakespeare was known to stretch the limits ofwhat I’d call, I dunno, culousness, which is a totally made up antonym of ridiculousness. You know, like credulity/incredulity. It’ll catch on.

One example that’s had me shaking my head in amazement recently is from the song “Gone Going”, from the BEP’s latest album. It really defies description, so just take a look at the line for yourself (yes, line… I absolutely refuse to refer to one line as ‘a lyric’ because it just sounds too stupid):

You’re fiction, like books.

Fiction like books? Are they even aware that most books are actually non-fiction? I love this simile. I’m gonna start using it as an insult when I think someone is posing.

The song (which features Jack Johnson, with the BEP part sung by will.i.am) is just a treasure trove of ridiculous lyrics. Here’s another piece of eight from the plentiful bounty to be found within. Yaaargh. (I’m still on a Pirates kick, sorry.)

Johnny wanna be a big star,
Get on stage and play the guitar.
Make a little money, buy a fancy car,
Big old house and an alligator.

I can understand the fancy car and house, but since when did dangerous marine reptiles become status symbols? Am I that out of touch with hip-hop culture?

Diamonds don’t bling in the dark.

I don’t know what this means. The story of the song is of our star, Johnny, losing touch with his art when he becomes rich and famous. I understand that fine, but I just don’t see how diamonds blinging in the dark fits in with that. Does it have anything to do with things going bump in the night?

In case you’re thinking that the silly lyrics are limited to will.i.am’s contribution to the song, here’s a look at the chorus, sung by Jack Johnson:

Gone, going, gone.
Everything gone,
Give a damn,
Gone be the birds when they don’t wanna sing.
Gone people, up awkward with their things.
Gone.

Yeah, that’s Jack Johnson at his trademark nonsensical best. Why won’t that guy just FUCK OFF?