No-one likes Kingstons!
“WHO ATE THE LAST SCOTCH FINGER?!”
It tears families apart. I’ve seen it.
Everyone has their favourite, and god help the family in which two or more members have the same favourite biscuit when mum brings home a pack of Arnott’s Assorted.
In my house, the Shortbread Creams are always the first to go. Then the Scotch Fingers. The Monte Carlos slowly dwindle, because they’re everyone’s secret, guilty pleasure. No-one will admit to liking them, but they’ll always sneak one if they can. They’re so indulgent, so decadent. Even the name makes you feel like Gatsby.
I don’t know why Arnott’s added choc chip cookies to the Classic Assorted line-up, cos really- who the fuck knew that Arnott’s even made choc chip cookies? And to make matters worse, their official name is ‘Farmbake Chocolate Chip Cookies’, just to give them that sheep station, Banjo Patterson, cup-of-tea-with-grandma flavour.
I also hate that they gave Teddy Bear biscuits the arse from the Classic team. The Teddy Bears were like the team mascots. It’s a travesty, and I’m seriously thinking of calling Today Tonight about it. Who’s with me?!
Assorted Cream has a good lineup, apart from those goddamn Delta Creams and Kingstons. There’s no sadder sight than a tray of Assorted Cream emptied of everything but the Kingstons and Delta Creams. Don’t any of you dare tell me you actually like those things. The only good thing about them is that when you’re a kid the adults generally leave them untouched, so you get them all to yourself. Even if they suck; doesn’t really matter to a greedy kid’s undiscriminating palate.
There’s not really any big difference between the Cream and Classic rosters. I mean you might as well just get the Classic, cos you get the two best Creams anyway (Monte Carlo and Shortbread). You do have to take into account the Orange Slice, though. Everyone loves an Orange Slice. They’re just so tiny and cute and orange. Like a Nickelodeon Oreo.
So… what’s the Arnott’s Assorted situation like at your house? Forget it, let’s just talk about James Sherry and What’s Up Doc and K-Mart shoes and Peter Combe.
Don’t call Today Tonight. A Current Affair will only dig up dirt on you to do their alternative spin story…Then Naomi will be interviewed by police.
And everyone will forget about the true victims, those poor, cute little Teddy Bear Biscuits that everyone wants to eat.
It’s Wa-Wa (or whatever his name was) all over again!
All the dots connect!
Whatever happened to that kid, anyway? Did they fry him? Bake him like a potato? No wait, I bet they boiled him in a big pot with carrots, Bugs Bunny style.
‘Hey, getting kinda hot in here, doc!’ I can see it all now. Using the turkey baster to marinate his armpits.
Yeah, that’s so Warner Bros. Somehow these Stone Age people get turkey basters and chef hats.
Do you remember that one where there was the little African girl (complete with bone through hair) hunting with a spear and a crow kept following her. I remember when ‘What’s Up, Doc?’ used to be on, Sophie Lee dressed as the little girl and did the whole ‘Oogah boogah! Me on big hunt!’ bit. She didn’t go so far as to put on the black and white minstrel paint but she might as well have…Mammy!
Yeah, I totally remember that.
It’s a shame that I wasn’t old enough to appreciate the absolute hornbags they had on ‘What’s Up Doc’ back in the day. Kate Fischer, mmm. It’s funny how her mum is the Sex Discrimination Commissioner, and here’s her daughter doing softcore porn calendars and such.
Back in the day when Daryl Sommers was the big man at channel nine introducing us all to his new girl friends via Hey Hey it’s Saturday and What’s up Doc? Great times!
I hate the hosts on cartoon shows now! They always have some annoying jock guy with a receding hairline trying to be funny with a couple of dopey girls…I liked that Ryan and Jade on Cheez TV though. What happened to them?
I can’t believe I said ‘hornbag’. It’s official, I’m a 40-year-old suburban dad.
Yeah, I can’t stand the people hosting kids’ shows these days. Give James Sherry his old job back, I say!
JAMES SHERRY! Here’s another one from Gitoku’s Vault:
On one episode of A*mazing this girl on the ‘green team’ said she liked Madonna because ’she is a great singer and actress’ James replied ‘Really? I mean I understand the singing part…But great actress? What movies have you seen her in?’ And the kid said ‘Ummmmm…Can’t remember…’ And James said ‘You should watch some of her movies again…You see if Madonna is a good actor or not.’ The girl was all excited and went ‘Yep! Okay! I will!’
That’s my most treasured James Sherry moment…
Are you YAHOO FUCKING SERIOUS?!
Just one more reason why James Sherry rules, and should get his own variety/talk show.
Actually, I have this idea that Channel Seven should run with. A prime time version of A*Mazing, but with adults doing it. They’d have to make it more challenging of course, but then finding those keys always seemed pretty damn hard. People would totally go for it, twenty-somethings have nothing but fond memories of A*Mazing. They could get some Wii/DS cross-promotion in there too, it’d be sweet!
I would dominate the quiz part, dominate the games then fuck up in that mirrored turnstile thing in the maze…I’d be trapped in there for 18 hours before I finally pass out from dehydration.
I’d lose it at the penguins, and go all Happy Gilmore on them.
There isn’t enough green slime on tv these days either!
Yeah, I just love being the clueless American.
I remember jumping up and down in the living room, screaming at the kids, telling them the key was behind them. I’d love it and jump for joy when some kid burned through and nabbed all the keys. I knew that frickin maze inside out.
Kingstons are my favourite despite them going majorly downhill in recent years!
damn right, i used to watch A*mazing religiously, i loved seeing those deadbeat kids stomping on the same letter on the giant key board despite the fact that it was turning red and the ‘you’re wrong’ buzzer was sounding but they just kept at it cos the pressure was on and they wanted that god damn gameboy prize pack! or when the kid would pass the gold key in the maze like a moron and the camera man would highlight his/her stupidity by doing wild and wacky zoom ins on the key after the kid had long gone into the cactus garden. good times. i still have fantasies about tearing shit up in that maze
“Laura said, on March 10th, 2007 at 7:52 am
Yeah, I just love being the clueless American.”
Now there are two of them ; )