Daniel85

So I was watching The Neverending Story the other day (and I think about Hook pretty much hourly) so I started wondering:

vs

Hmm?

They’re both badasses from family movies of the past. They both have cool singular names (I’m so naming my kid ‘Atreyu’ someday.) They both wear outfits pilfered from The Village People’s wardrobe trailer. They both have crappy bands named after them. Oh, and they both died in battle, except Atreyu got brought back to life by the kid from Seaquest DSV.

I dunno. I can’t decide. Atreyu has that cool horse (Artax), but Rufio has that sick (yeah, I just said sick) windsail skateboard. Atreyu gets to fly around on that pervert Falkor (”Ooh yeah. Scratch me there… little lower… liiiitle lower.”)

But, apparently, Rufio gets to detach his skateboard’s windsail and fly around like an Ewok:

So… cast your vote. Rufio or Atreyu? 

Funny stuff. Check out his Jaws one, too. Don’t bother with the Superman one, it’ll make you want to gouge your eyes out and destroy your eardrums with a blunt pencil.

My mum’s ‘a woman’.

It’s bullshit, though, cos mum and my brother both say the first driver was stationary and had no lights on, and a bike rider who had stopped to move the ‘rubbish’ (packing boxes are slightly more than ‘rubbish’… gotta love the Geelong Advertiser’s reporting) has concurred with that.

So I guess we go to court. Or they do, cos it has nothing to do with me. I’ll probably just go and do some mullet-spotting. The Geelong Magistrate’s Court is almost as good as Crown Casino for mullet-spotting.

Why do we have Red Rooster? No-one ever eats there.

Never have I heard this conversation: “What about McDonald’s? KFC? Pizza, could you eat pizza? Hey, how about Red Rooster?” No-one. Ever. Eats there.

Red Rooster is to fast food what Harris Scarfe is to department stores. Completely useless, past its use-by date… an anachronism. I don’t understand why either of these chains still exist.

I’ve been to Red Rooster once in my life, and it wasn’t even for the food. When The Rescuers Down Under came out (in 1990), Red Rooster had a promotion with little bendy plastic figurines of the main characters. I was obsessed with the movie, and I really wanted the figure of Wilbur the Albatross. I got it, of course, cos I was a manipulative, greedy little shit.

The only thing I know about Red Rooster’s food is that they put pineapple slices on everything. Chicken? Chuck a pineapple slice on it. Potatos and gravy? Pineapple slice.

I’m sorry if it seems like I’m just randomly venting at this fast food chain that has never harmed me in any way. It’s just that I was reading a list of the stores that are opening up in the new shopping centre that’s being built in Leopold (Gateway Plaza… I guess because Leopold is the gateway to the Bellarine Peninsula or something), and Red Rooster was on the list.

I’ll be honest, I was pissed. Rumour had it that we were getting a Hungry Jack’s. You’d be pissed too if you were led to believe your neighbourhood was getting some Hungry Jack’s action, and then you found out that no, you’re getting a fucking Red Rooster.

Even kids know Red Rooster is bullshit. I was in the Bourke Street Mall a few weeks ago (and Hooly can corroborate this story…) wasting time in that downstairs McDonald’s while waiting for a train. Now, there’s a Red Rooster down there too, and as I was leaving, heading up the stairs I heard this kid coming down say to his mum ‘No mum, that’s RED ROOSTER!’ This kid seriously thought his mum was trying to pull a fast one on him, promising a Happy Meal but instead delivering whatever half-assed “Kid’s Pack” they have at Red Rooster. (I’m sure there’s pineapple involved, whatever it is.)

Another snippet of conversation you’ll never hear: “What, Red Rooster again? You had that last night!”

Ah, Julian Foord. ‘Hooly’ to some. ‘Sir’ to everyone else.

I believe Lewis Carroll said it best when he wrote:

He would joke with hyenas, returning their stare
   With an impudent wag of the head:
And he once went a walk, paw-in-paw, with a bear,
   “Just to keep up its spirits,” he said.

(From The Hunting Of The Snark)

I won’t say ‘good luck’, Hooly, because Holden hates it when people say that. I will expect you to call out ’sleep tight, ya morons!’ in your residence at least once in the middle of the night, though.

I just did this cos it’s cheaper than a text message.

I’m so glad Channel Ten is running Cops again.

There really is nothing quite like seeing disadvantaged, disenfranchised folks getting excessive forced by some gung-ho agents of the establishment. (”Speak up, boy! Answer me when I have my foot crushing your windpipe!”)

Blacks, Latinos, white trash… even bears get a raw deal:

“Hello, I’m Officer Dibble. I’m just responding to a call we had from a Ranger Smith at Jellystone Park on a domestic cave disturbance…”