Christmas Candy Round-Up! Hoo-wah!
My rule of thumb for Christmas products is: the tackier, the better. I love going into The Reject Shop and other dodgy discount establishments around this time of year and marvelling at all the crappy stuff they’re trying to hock.
Stuff like this, for example:
I think I just about fell in love when I found this in Go-Lo yesterday. A big ol’ plastic Santa head full of lollipops. It’s just right on some cosmic level.
The thing looks like a cross between Olmec from Legends of the Hidden Temple:
Thud Butt from Hook:
With maybe a bit of MODOK from Marvel Comics thrown in:
Bizarre.
The lollipops are just standard clumps of sugar on a stick, in Christmas colours, but let’s face it– anyone who buys this is not buying it for the lollies, but for the awesome kitsch value of having a giant fucking Olmec Santa head to put on their mantlepiece.
Perhaps the only thing more disturbing than Santa’s nightmarish visage itself are the mysterious curly black hairs I found at the bottom of the bowl:
Tasty.
Also at Go-Lo, I came across the famed ‘Projector Pop’.
These were out last Christmas, but I wasn’t blogging then so I had no need to waste my hard-earned cash on dumb novelty items.
I was always pretty obsessed with light-up toys as a kid, probably because of the ‘Macaulay-Calkin-In-Michael-Jackson’s-Black-Or-White‘ rebellious aspect of being able to continue playing well into the night, even after your parents have ordered you to turn your light off. I guess it also comes from the fact that I was terrified of the nighttime, and having stuff that cast beams of light across my room felt like some kind of talisman against things that go bump.
That’s the shape that they reckon this little contraption will cast. There was also a Santa Claus and a flying sleigh, but I chose the snowman as the character I’d most like to make dance across my living room wall at night.
I was a bit skeptical of the projector pop’s claim to be able to ’shine 10 feet’. Yeah, right, just like the Super Soaker can shoot 50 feet. Cut five hours to that night, though, cos you know the night time (night and day!) is the right time for conjuring luminous snowmen up on your walls. (I’d apologise to the memory of Ray Charles, but I don’t think Mr. Diet Pepsi Uh-Huh Uh-Huh You Got The Right One Baby would mind.)
I was pleasantly surprised…
That’s from about six feet away, and the snowman was about one or two feet high. Even from about ten, twelve feet he’s pretty visible. The photo can’t really do it justice, it really does look great. (I should note here that my camera doesn’t like autofocusing in the murky blackness of night, so I had to manually focus it while keeping the snowman up on the wall. I had to put the projector pop in my mouth and depress the button with my teeth, all the while fiddling with my camera for good focus. The things I do for this blog! I’ll be jumping out of a fucking plane on a skateboard next.)
All told, the projector pop is pretty good value for $2.50. The lollipop part is watermelon flavour, which is kind of icky but strangely addictive. Once you lick it, you can’t kick it.
The awesomeness of being able to turn your house into some kind of Victorian-era magic lantern show cannot be overstated. I think I’m gonna go buy the other two projectors so I can re-enact ‘Frosty The Snowman’ on my bedroom ceiling. But in my version, Frosty will never melt *sniff, sniff*.
Oh, and as a bonus, here’s the Jackson 5’s rendition of ‘Frosty The Snowman’, from their Christmas album. Don’t say I never give youse kids nothin’:
I would SO buy a Modok head dressed as Santa Clause mug.
Honestly, I can’t tell you how those black hairs go there. I reckon a few Elves got “busted on the job” again. Never trust a dwarf as I always I say.
Thudd Butt? Was that really his name in Hook? Also, gross hairs…
Oh hey Dan, I thought of a term you should use. Australia + Nostalgia = Australgia! Ugh, never mind, that’s the worst word ever.
Australgia conjures up all the warm fuzzy memories I have of Jacko, Men at Work, and The Gods Must Be Crazy. ; )
(I take no responsibility here for offending the entire continent and people’s of Australlia in light of my comments)
I hearby commision anyone with a stereotypical Australian accent to record themselves saying the word “Australgia”
The Gods Must be Crazy??? I’ll let that one slide…
That giant Easter Island Santa head reminds me of the hypno-toad from Futurama
It’s funny you should say that, Tommy, cos the domain name for my future site is actually along those same lines, but a little different.
Heh, The Gods Must Be Crazy.
Was the Gods Must be Crazy ever in Australia??? I know there was a ‘The Gods Must be Crazy in China’.
I don’t think so. Seems like the kinda thing people like us would know about.
Actually Gods took place in South Africa but a friend of mine was CONVINCED it took place in Australlia for some reason! Ha! Ha!
Now away with you, Before I throw my all-mighty coke bottle in the air brusing everyone around me. ; )
Your friend’s silly. Everyone knows there’s no black people in Australia.
Oh right! the potato famine, However could I forget? Shame on you for eating them all like that. : (
We got a good firm grasp on Australian history here! No wonder John Howard is getting all pissy about teaching ‘real’ Australian history in high schools.
Why would the guy from ‘All Saints’ care about the high school history curriculum? Bloody actors.
A good grasp on history AND politics…hehe
[...] How could a discount chain that gave us something as awesome as the giant Olmec Santa head do this to Bandana Kid?! [...]
Why have you forsaken me, Bandanna kid? WHY?!