Trick AND treat.
This Halloween shit is getting on my nerves.
I went into K-Mart yesterday, and was greeted at the entrance by some lady in a spooky-themed t-shirt and witch’s hat. She didn’t need any additional make-up, which is probably why they pulled her outta shoes or house ‘n’ garden to be a door greeter for the occasion.
This page from their latest catalogue explains it:
They’re also having a big sale on horror DVDs, which I’m not complaining about, cos they had some top flicks like The Thing, Gremlins 2, and Land Of The Dead for $8 each.
The check-out chicks were all got up in the t-shirts and witch’s hats as well, except for the ones at the service counter. I guess it’s kinda hard to be stern with some scumbag trying to return a stolen or obviously used item (”Yeah this… this was a present. I’ve already got one.”) when you’re dressed up like the Wicked Witch of the West.
Then this morning I went into Safeway, and found that they’re selling fucking jack-o’-lanterns.
I had to get a photo of it, in case no-one believed me. It wasn’t easy, either. I didn’t just go the stealth approach with my mobile phone camera like some retard out of a Bundy or Lynx commercial. No, I straight up strolled in there with my big ass Pentax hanging round my neck like I was the fifth Run DMC, and coldly took a photo while some dude loaded bread onto the rack next to me and a bunch of housewives and old people tried not to look at what I was doing.
As if its size wasn’t conspicuousness enough, the camera in action is like some kinda fucking Decepticon, with bits popping out and unfurling while it hums and throbs and makes a pretty good approximation of the THX sound. I firmly believe that if things got rough in there, the camera would’ve transformed into a Harrier jump jet and flown me to safety.
Elsewhere in Safeway, there were plastic signs pointing to various confections with the message ‘Try these for Halloween!’ Because, you know, we’re still new to this Halloween thing Down Undah, and we might have erroneously given the kiddies some apples or cheese sticks or something. Thanks for the tip, Safeway.
Don’t get me wrong; I love Halloween. I just don’t like Coles Myer or Woolworths Ltd or whoever the fuck owns K-Mart and Safeway this week trying to pull a fast one on us by importing a new holiday that we’ve never before celebrated in this country. It’s one thing for junk pedlars like The Reject Shop and Go-Lo to try and flog some rubber masks and devil pitchforks, but quite another for huge retail and supermarket chains to suddenly start gearing up for it like it’s Christmas or Easter or something. See this page from K-Mart’s latest catalogue:
What are they gonna do next year, put Rhonda from kidswear out the front of K-Mart in buckled shoes and a pilgrim hat to tell us about the specials on Australia’s Choice cranberry sauce and turkeys? Thanksgiving under the Southern Cross. I’ll carve the turkey, mum.
The really scary thing is that they’d probably get away with it like they’re getting away with this.
What is the deal this year??? My final essay was on Asianisation of Australia and how everyone was against it in the 90s…but the whole (pointless) Americanisation thing has just slipped under the radar. Are we OFFICIALLY celebrating Halloween this year??? I hope we get to celebrate Hanukah (spelling?) OFFICIALLY next year!
I’ll get really concerned when we start getting lumped with holidays such as Independence Day and President’s Day.
“Serve lamb on Independence Day. You know it makes sense. I’m Sam Kekovich.”
I just noticed something!!! $20 for a pumpkin you can’t even eat! WTF!!!!
Haha, yeah. I hope they actually used the pumpkin guts for something, instead of just throwing it away. There are kids in Africa. I’m just saying… there are kids in Africa. Fun fact.
I’d rather buy a whole pumpkin and do it myself, so I could eat the by-product. Pumpkin soup, pumpkin bread, pumpkin scones, pumpkin seeds, shrimp sandwiches, shrimp salad.
I could probably do a better carving than that, too. Like maybe a detailed relief of the front cover to Goosebumps #1: Welcome To Dead House.
FUCK! Your onto my nefarious plan, Well here’s onto importing Secretaries day to your nation!
(Rubs hands together eviley)
You bastard.
Secretaries day? The day when the nation stops to play Solitaire and Mine-Sweep…Now that one I’m in favour of adopting.
Chanukah, isn’t it? Although, you know, it’s now considered rude to ask anything, what with the web and all.
You know what I like the idea of? Pumpkin pie! It’s American, fo’shiz, but I reckon pumpkin would taste good sweet. It is a fruit after all.
Hanukkah is kinda different, being a bona fide religious holiday and all. It’d be funny to see K-Mart employees dressed up in ringlets and yarmulkes, though. Maybe some Beyblade dreidles for the kids. How out of date am I with that Beyblade reference? Does anyone even remember Beyblade?
Pumpkin pie has always seemed kinda weird to me. I used to have (still have, actually) this Disney Sing-A-Long Christmas video, where Goofy sings the “when they pass around the coffee and the pumpkin pie” bit of ‘Sleigh Ride’. I always wondered why the hell someone would want to drink coffee while eating pumpkin pie. I didn’t realise it was a dessert at the time.
HANUKKAH!!! LET IT RIP!!!!
I’m surprised you got away with the photo if the bread rack guy was right their next to you and you just walked in with your big ol’ camera ’round your neck.
When Adam and I were filming an Easter documentary I was running through Safeway like a maniac videoing all the stuff they had there and I got CANED by management.
my god, what is this country comeing to.
halloween has no place in our society, not that it is bad but it isnt and australian thing, if it wernt for the americans claiming every cool thing for themselves then it wouldnt even be american.
it originated in england but isnt even as popular over there as in the states. FUCKIN GAY AMERICAN WANNABE LITTLE SHITS OF TODAY. no offence to any americans but i believe that americans and australians should be tourist friends and not the kind that cellebrate each others traditions.
bye the way what the fuck is with the vegemite situation over in the states, they’ve band it course it isnt sold in pharmacys or something.
look it up if you dont know what im taliking about.
its complete shit. peace